Recipe For a Successful Marriage
There are a number of things that are essential in making a marriage work. It starts with love, but you need more. Respect, friendship, loyalty, and honesty are also very important. Most people get to know one another well before getting married. This allows them to really get to know each other. Most deep, dark secrets come out before the couple has a chance to say, “I do.”
Most people agree that telling a white lie to your spouse occasionally is forgivable. This is especially true if you are lying to spare your spouse’s feelings. While white lies are forgivable, major, life-changing lies can destroy a marriage.
Shocking and Unforgivable Lies
There are some lies that are so serious and so damaging, that they can end a marriage. Lying about being faithful to your spouse and lying about spending and finances are not uncommon. These lies can be forgivable, but in many cases, they aren’t. Lying about your gender is almost always a deal breaker. This is what happened to a man in Belgium. A husband discovers wife was really a man after 19 years of marriage and it turns his whole life upside down.
Jan is a 64-year-old Belgian man. In 1993, he married his Indonesian wife, Monica. He wanted them to start their new live in Belgium and started making the necessary arrangements and processing the necessary documents. When it came time to settle Monica’s paperwork, things became difficult. The Belgian courts doubted the authenticity of Monica’s identification. In time, despite the doubts about her identity, they approved her application. The family was going to be allowed to start their lives in Belgium.
Living a Normal Life
For several years, the couple lived a normal life. Monica, who was now 48-years-old, was like a big sister to Jan’s two children from his previous marriage. Since Jan already had two children, the couple decided that they wouldn’t have anymore. Things were good for quite a while.
After almost two decades of being married, Monica started to change. She got a new full-time job, and suddenly, she was wearing very short skirts, flashy clothes, and tiny tops. She often wore shirts that showed off her whole abdomen. She also started going to nightclubs. She often ran into her stepson while she was out dancing. Monica also started talking to other men on the computer and Jan saw them on the computer. He was also hearing rumors of her cheating. He confronted her, and they got into a heated argument. Soon, someone called the police.
When all of this was going on, a friend of Jan’s told him that he heard a rumor that Monica was actually a sex-changed man. His son had heard the same rumors. Jan pushed his wife against the wall and told her to tell him the truth. She admitted that she was born a boy and had a sex change. Since she was a woman, she didn’t think that she had to tell him about her past. This was when his world collapsed. They started to fight, and the police were called again.
According to Jan, there were no signs that his wife was once a man. He says that during sex, everything seemed normal. She even bought sanitary napkins every month to keep up the appearance that she was menstruating as a normal woman would. When Jan saw her doing this, he had no reason to doubt that she was a woman. He had no idea that she was doing it all for appearance sake.
Ending the Marriage
Jan knew that there was no way that he could stay with Monica and he filed for an annulment. He hired a lawyer who released a statement saying, “that person has deliberately deceived him for years, even scammed. Presumably, she has also forged documents used her to get a residence permit. The children, who for years have lived with her, are devastated.” Although they are in the process of ending their marriage, the Belgian courts refused to allow Jan to evict Monica.
Because of Monica’s lies and deception, Jan needs help. He is undergoing psychiatric treatment to help him deal with the shocking revelation. For close to two decades, this man thought that his wife was a woman. When he learned that she had lied, her entire world fell apart. For the first time in close to 20 years, he doesn’t have a wife. His life partner turned out to be a man and kept it a secret. This is one of the biggest secrets that a person could ever keep. Most people, including Jan, wouldn’t be able to forgive such a thing.